‘Holy shit dude.’
‘Ok everyone gather round.’
‘Pretty nice yeah.’
‘Closer pack it in everybody plenty of room still.’
‘Pretty nice you're fucking bonkers. Pretty nice.’
‘Alright welcome welcome.’ The guide hopped onto a small box near the platform’s edge. ‘Yes that’s right those are the famous pyramids.’ She stretched an arm out toward the three. ‘That one in the middle the biggest one that’s Khafre.’
‘My heavenly father above what a fucking view.’
‘Yeah she does have nice legs you were right.’
‘You must be out of your little pee brain ass mind.’
‘Sure man some old fucks stacked some clay or whatever holy shit. She’s actually not bad at all from here. How long do we have her?’
‘You couldn’t stack legos to save your life. Excuse me how’d they build them?’
The guide paused. ‘Wow that’s a really good question guys I almost forgot to mention how they built them.’ A scattered laughing from the crowd. ‘Actually whenever possible the Egyptians brought the limestone along the Nile, according to more recent evidence many Egyptologists had chalked up to a ritual.’
‘You are gonna fuck this up for me. Again.’
‘Who gives a shit have you ever seen anything like this?’
‘Yeah Dubai bigger buildings fast cars more models than sand since we got here.’
‘No. The answer is no, you have never seen some shit like this because there is no shit like this, not now not ever.’
‘Oh yeah what about Bass Pro Shops?’
‘Man shut up with that bullshit all our shit will be gone in 200 years probably less. You know how old these fuckers are?’
‘Ask another dumbass question see what happens.’
‘They’re old. As fuck. And we still don’t know shit about how they did it. Let alone why.’
‘Don’t even start on that again.’
“I’m telling you there’s no way. Look at how tall they are and tell me cranes lifted those slabs. Over two tons average that high? And if they did I mean it’d take a modern crane to raise one.’
‘They had more slaves than Jefferson everyone knows that. They even got the Jews ripped.’
‘Slaves can’t lift a fucking mountain not a million not a billion I don’t care how many. You’re not looking at some stacked up rocks you’re staring ancient technology right in the face and you can’t see it.’
‘I’m still looking at a decent night if you didn’t already fuck me.’
‘Ok everyone from here we’ll walk to their bases where you can really feel the scale. Remember they had to transport every limestone here first, by the Nile whenever possible but sometimes over land as well if you can believe it. Anyway take your time but the bus leaves at 3:30 sharp and you don’t want a taxi from here trust me.’ She hopped off her box, to lead the group out north.
‘See? We don’t know shit, but you don’t care you fucking gnat.’
But the gnat had buzzed away, crossing the group until he landed beside his meal, who seemed to be swatting at him already.